Getting back into the spin of things. Here is a much much belated Ask Bistander question. ASK BISTANDER POSTS ARE UP EVERY WEDNESDAY!
Previous week’s question : How do you know if your love interest is gay, bi, or straight. What do you do, look for, or ask? Here’s a hilarious scene on the L word where the character, Dana, is trying to guess whether the girl she’s interested in is “playing for their team” so she commissions the entire L word crew to try to guess via appearance, flirtation, and finding out what she likes.
So Bistander Readers. What would you do? Answer below. Make it interesting. Make me laugh. Be honest. ALL ANSWERS ARE ANONYMOUS. It would help though if you could put what sex or sexes you are referring to as every sex is different as well as whatever you identify yourself with, if you want. If you don’t wish to choose a label that’s fine too. [ Ex: As a gay male referring to men. As bisexual woman referring to other women & your experiences.]
You answered! Thank you all for your responses. Here’s what some of you wrote!
- My sex: Female
My gender: Mostly feminine
My orientation: Mostly gay, therefore alluding to womenHow to tell if someone is gay:
Yell, “LOOK, IT’S KATHERINE MOENNIG!” and if she goes, “Oh my god, where?!” then you know.Ok, here is my highly general, highly stereotypical guide to the ‘dar:0) The clothes, the hair, and/or the walk. They may not all combine together to form the ultimate butch trifecta, but perhaps she has one small chink in her otherwise hetero-normative chainmail. I dress pretty femininely, and my hair is mid-neck, but I apparently have a slight awkward/gay swag, as random gangstas once told me on Jamaica Avenue.
1) Pay attention to any stickers, pins, ribbons adorning her body, her outfit, her bag, or her notebooks…. anything rainbow-y or feminist or generally progressive.
2) Pay attention to what she says in class (though this will depend on the class); perhaps her views and even the cadences in her voice will offer insight. I’m not saying everyone who is progressively-minded is gay, but they’re probably a better bet.
3) If she has any friends walking with her to/from class or any friends within the class, how does she interact with them, and how do her friends act/dress (this is stereotypical, I know, but since we don’t know her, we only have outward appearances).
4) If you happen to have a conversation with her, you can feel her out by possibly injecting some sociopolitical commentary and gauging her responses (both verbal and behavioral).
5) If you see her at LGBTQ-friendly events, she’s either an ally or one of the team.
6) After getting to know her for a little bit by having several rousing and not-totally-all-about-the-gay conversations, invite her to a slightly queer event. If she seems genuinely interested in attending, or if she seems in her element while at the event, she’s also either an ally or one of the team.
How do you know if your love interest is gay, bi, or straight. What do you do, look for, or ask?
- Gee, that’s a good question. Considering Im a female that pays high regard to other females I normally do look at other…. Females. When I see a woman I normally look at the position they’re standing/ sitting. I look at the clothes their wearing and the way they put their hair. Sometimes by a simple glare you can feel the tension. Ask what their favorite show is! ask what they like to do! There are many stereotypical styles for homosexual women. Look for rainbow bracelets, lamguage, some musicians etc. Those things help As for male, men in my opinion have these hand movements that are just so obvious. Even “manly” men fo them from time to time. I don’t particularly like men so judging their appearance is hard to know if they too- lik men. Look for the area and atmosphere of where you see a man, the accompany and the walk.
Orientation: Mainly attracted to other women
1) Appearance. Sad I know but sometimes right off the bat you can tell if they’re wearing a wifebeater, army pants and buzzcut…pretty likely they’re not straight . Same goes for any rainbow-wear
2) body language…some girls even the very femme ones[ noticed in gay and lesbian organizations] walk…lean or sit a certain way [ again stereotypical and definitely not always! …but it happens…see it alot]
3. What topics is she interested in…what’s her major or minor…Alot of feminists, Women Studies majors…sociology majors focusing on genders and sexuality etc are gay…not always but with the ones i’ve met and known nearly 90% of the time.
3) What places does she go? Where does she hangout? If she mentions a well known lesbian or gay place aha eureka
4) Mention something of LGBTQI origin and watch how they react or their body language to it
5) EYE CONTACT…not always true with shy girls but there are times when there’s a certain look or connection with eye contact that you can just know off the bat…. whether it’s held longer than normal or there’s a look…or a checking you out look
6) What organizations are is she apart of? If I hear glasa, hopefully? Still need to know more.
7) Watch her when she’s around people of the same sex….is it friendly or more…..
But most importantly, talk to them and get to know them before jumping the gun.
You’ll never know without talking to them. You find out what the person likes and dislikes and basically getting to know them as a whole.
Thank you for all your responses!! Old answers are now gone and there are two new questions for future posts.
Next question that was suggested will be this wednesday at 12 am.
That’s next Wednesday!
Didn’t get to answer this question? What are your views? Do you agree or disagree? Or even if you’re heterosexual, what would be some ways you or anyone around you show their interest in someone from afar or in person?
1 comment February 27, 2012